Lately, I have been feeling very emotionally stuck (for lack of a better term). While I have had a major physical transformation, the emotional side hasn’t kept up in the way I anticipated.
What I mean by that is, I don’t feel now how I thought I would feel. This is a very hard subject to convey. When you have a big weight release journey people place a lot of assumptions on you (well-meaning as they may be) things like “you must feel amazing” and “I bet you feel like a different person now” and many other statements.
The truth is I still feel like I always did. So much so that often I don’t recognise myself. Whether it be in photographs, or when I catch myself in a mirror. Once I spoke to my reflection thinking it was another person (that must have looked hilarious to onlookers) and another time I thought I was an intruder when I was staying at a hotel and didn’t realise there was a mirror behind the door when I got up to check on the children during the night!
I know these stories sound amusing (and yes I can see the funny side). But I think what is often overlooked when a person changes dramatically physically, is the identity shift that comes with it (or as is in my case, lags behind it).
I suppose people don’t share because they fear ridicule “well you’ve lost all that weight, what do you mean you still aren’t happy, what more do you want?” or snide remarks about #firstworldproblems or things like that.
Perhaps people don’t share because it’s too confronting. To realise that you can shift so dramatically on the outside, but still feel the same on the inside, that can be a challenging thing to comprehend.
Along with the identity shift you have as an individual, is the identity shift you have in your relationships.
To some people, you have always been ‘the fat friend’ and when you finally get your shit together, that can really change the dynamic of the relationship.
Even without meaning to you can alienate people. They can feel judged when it was never your intention to come across that way. It’s a real education in the fact that you can’t control how you are received, all you can do is be true to yourself in whatever it is that you do.
But in saying this I wouldn’t change a thing! This has played out in this way and the biggest take away I have is that although transformation is uncomfortable, nothing is as painful as staying stuck.
As hard as it is to grow and change and move forward into the unknown. It is so much better than being stuck in the same story, just with different characters. That’s where I felt I lived for many years, the same story just played out with different diets or different exercise programs, but I never really made headway because I wasn’t ready to let go of the fact that the answer was never outside of me, there was never the perfect moment that I had been waiting for. I knew the answer all along, I just had to trust myself enough to back myself to take consistent action and DO it.
So whatever it is that you are wanting to change, I encourage you to stop waiting, and start today, right now in this moment, what is ONE thing that you could do to start creating some momentum? Pick that one action and stop waiting for the perfect time, and make now the moment you have been waiting for xx
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