How to overcome all or nothing behaviour

All or nothing?


My children love to watch youtube videos of kids playing with their toys. I think they are called ‘unboxing’ videos. I watch them watch these videos and I think to myself “Why don’t they just play with their own toys? Surely that’s more fun than watching other kids play with toys? How dumb is that?” and then I laugh to myself.

But when I think about it, the joke is on me, because don’t I do exactly the SAME thing?

I watch reality TV shows like The Biggest Loser, Survivor, or Shark Tank (don’t judge me, I am a closet reality TV fan!).

I read book after book about other people’s transformation and weight loss journey or self-help books.

I buy online programs and courses, I watch a few videos or listen to a few audios, but I don’t actually DO the work – I leave the exercises until ‘later’ and never come back to them.


I feel like by observing these things, by reading, watching and listening to how other people have done it, by gaining new knowledge through self-help, I feel like I have changed. But I haven’t!


This type of passive action is actually quite misleading. As it feels like I have made progress when really nothing has actually changed. I’ve read a book or listened to a course, had a few ‘aha’ moments, then put it down and picked up the next one. What have I actually done differently? The answer is nothing!

My passive action is actually hindering me, by costing me both time and money! Because I spend money buying book after book, and I spend time reading the books (or waste time thinking about the books while watching reality TV and playing candy crush), and then I get frustrated that I have spent ALL this time and money on personal development and nothing has changed.

When the truth is, of course nothing has changed, because I haven’t actually DONE anything!

This was my story until 4 years ago. Something in my clicked and I realised I was so afraid of not doing things perfectly, that I didn’t do them at all! It was all or nothing. So I started to take action, true MASSIVE action!

Now this massive action wasn’t the life-altering, change everything in the moment action.

Instead, it was committing to DOING the exercises in ONE course that I had bought. (Full disclosure, to start with, I only did the exercises that I wanted to do. I left the rest). But by DOING the exercises I noticed results.

So I kept doing this.
I am still a compulsive course buyer, I love learning, but the difference is I don’t do it passively anymore.


So what I do differently now has made a WORLD of difference to me. If I invest in a course or book, if I have put some skin in the game, then I commit to doing at least ONE THING from that course or book. For me, that has been life changing!


It has resulted in my growing coaching business, my facebook page, my group, my newsletter. It’s also resulted in me meeting some of the most AMAZING people on the planet who are on their own journeys that I have the pleasure of masterminding with. And of course my MASSIVE weight release!

Now some of you might be surprised that I listed my weight last in this list (especially since it is what I started this journey for). But the thing is, and this might blow some of your minds, the weight release is not the most exciting thing – in fact it really is just a by-product of everything else.

For so many years I let my weight stop me from truly living my life. I felt second-rate because I was fat. I realise now that I allowed myself to feel like that.


The quote “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent” by Eleanor Roosevelt, is so VERY true.


It was never my weight, or comments about my weight that prevented me from going after what I truly wanted, it was always me getting in my own way.

If any of this has resonated with you, I encourage you to start taking MASSIVE action. But to recap, by MASSIVE action I don’t mean changing everything at once, as that is not sustainable. What I mean by MASSIVE action is to DO something different, and leave behind the passive action of acquiring more knowledge. As knowing what to do will bring you nothing if you don’t actually DO the work!

health without shame

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